Happy Fear Monster Friday!!
Have you ever noticed that it's usually way easier to have compassion for someone else than it is to have it for yourself? Do you beat yourself up about stuff you've done? Or sometimes, even stuff that you didn't have any control over, but you beat yourself up about it anyway?
Yep, that's your fear monster at work.
I do it too sometimes. Actually, I do it often. My perfectionist takes hold and whispers, "maybe you're not worthy of love if you're not perfect." So, just like when you fear rejection, fear monsters push the other person away first. They say, "You can't reject me! I going to reject you first!" It's the same basic idea except, "You can't be mad at me for screwing up! I'm mad at myself first!" Doesn't really make much sense when you think about it.
Beating yourself up accomplishes absolutely nothing. It just wastes precious brain power. If you really screwed up, by all means, do what you can to make amends. But just remember, punching yourself in the face is not going to make it better! (Or any other form of self-anger.)
Also, I've noticed that George tends to have a harder time letting me forgive myself when I really had no control over what happened. It makes zero sense to me. I don't know why he does it. But I think other fear monsters do it too.
Example: victims of rape and other "definitely not even a little bit your fault" traumas feel an intense shame about what happened. On the other end of the spectrum, people who are complete assholes very rarely feel any shame at all.
Whether you actually messed up or it wasn't your fault at all, let yourself off the hook. Forgive yourself. Give yourself some love.
Sending you all a big hug!