How fear monsters mess up a pleasant conversation
Well, it's that time of year that we're all celebrating the holidays, and for a lot of us that means being around people we love very much but drive us crazy!
You may be one of those people that gets along with your loved ones perfectly, and if so, good for you! For the rest of us, our fear monsters have a tendency to muddle up the ability for us to communicate with the people we love the most.
Have you ever been having a perfectly pleasant conversation that all of a sudden seems to escalate into a conflict, and you're left wondering, "Wow, where the hell did that come from?" Well, that's probably because the words went through a fear monster telephone game.
You see, our fear monsters tend to distort reality. Sometimes to such a point that we end up butt hurt and don't even really know why
If this has happened to you, here are some practical steps you can take to communicate directly with your loved one without the fear monsters messing things up.
1. Realize that there's probably some sort of unhealed pain or fear within you and the one you're trying to communicate with. Have compassion for that part of yourself, and for that part of the other person. Do your best to forgive them and yourself. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the behavior is okay. It just means you're choosing to not carry around the anger.
2. Express yourself. Most conflict comes from unexpressed fear. A lot of the time, a conflict can be cleared up by simply expressing what nonsense your fear monster is jabbering at you.
3. Apologize for what you have control over. Be honest with yourself about what part your fear monster may have played in the conflict. If you can, say you're sorry. But let go of the outcome -- you don't need the other person's forgiveness or an apology from them. If they want to carry around anger, that's their burden. Don't let it weigh you down, especially if you've done what you can to fix it.
4. Be in control of your own actions and reactions. Then let go of the rest.
I know it's not easy sometimes, but in the spirit of the holidays, let's see if we can bring a little more love and compassion to the ones we love the most. They often get the brunt of our fear monsters.
Sending you all lots of love, and wishing you a magical New Year!
Jillian
P.S. If you can relate, leave a comment below! And share this with your friends!